I don't have much time to write today.. we are going to have a
missionary Christmas party in Lund! and we had a late start going
because there is SNOW COVERING EVERYTHING!! Yes... i made syster
werjefelt bike in the snow.. just so we can save time.. :) Don't worry
mom. I'm wearing my helmet!
I LOVE the snow! and I love Christmas! and I love Swedish christmas!
and I love church during Christmas! Yesterday we had a wonderful
testimony meeting. Everyone was happy and shared about how thankful
they were for LIFE! Isn't life just wonderful? :)
Well.. This week started out a little rocky. We have been going a
little bit slower.. and our friends that we have been teaching are
dropping like flies. Our days seem to be a little bit empty. But in
a way I think it is a good thing because we get to go at a little
better pace of life. I have found, being on the mission, that lots of
people don't seem to like going at my rushed pace. And to tell you the
truth it is a little nice to go at a slower pace. You get to enjoy
life a little better. Swedish mentality is definitely more calm and
easy going. "ta det lugn" ... a very Swedish phrase.
Also ending the mission.. I all the sudden get these thoughts like..
Have I done everything? Have I really done my best? Have I used my
time wisely? Did I talk to EVERyONe I could? And then I realize that
I was not perfect throughout the past year and a half and I am filled
with regrets.. oh no. I have been a terrible missionary. These were
the feelings that plagued me at the beginning of the week. Thank
goodness for companions though! As we sat Tuesday morning discussing
what we learned I had a little break down and shared all my feelings
with sys werjefelt. She was calm :) and knew just what to say. Next
day I also received a letter from a good friend. He has been like an
extra trainer throughout my mission. He wrote to me about exactly what
I was feeling and shared with me how he overcame those feelings while
he was on his mission. Perfect timing.
I also had another little experience this weekend. We had this last
minute big decision to make Friday evening. It was to cancel our plans
for Saturday and go to the Copenhagen temple the next day with the
young adults and the elders in Lund. (I wont be able to go through the
temple one last time before I go home because we leave on a Tuesday
early morning and the temple is closed Monday morning.. so we got
permission to go on our own time). We had thought about going my last
Saturday... but suddenly we were offered this chance and it was a free
car ride. Friday night I sat there unsure of which option to take. I
did pro's and con's and tried to figure out what to do. I didn't want
to cancel on the lessons we had set up on Saturday... but it would be
really fun to go with all the youth and it was free... ugg!
I prayed and felt like it would be best to stay and hope that
everything would work out for us to go again.
Saturday morning I sat reading and wondering about if I was really a
good missionary. I had once again felt an overwhelming feeling that I
was not doing my best and that I was not a good missionary. I read
"Preach My Gospel" in the first chapter about "How to be a successful
missionary" In there it said "Do not be discouraged in yourself. You
can know that the Lord is happy with you when you feel the Holy Ghost
working through you." ... humm.. I thought.. is the Holy Ghost
working through me?
Right then the phone rang and we got a text message. It was from
one of our wonderful members who we would be helping that day, Ellie.
Ellie's aunt had just moved in and one of the things that we had
scheduled for the day was to go help her unpack. Ellie texted us about
somethings we would be helping with today and how much her aunt really
appreciated us coming to help her.
At that moment I was filled with such gratitude that we had
decided to stay home and not go to the temple. I was so glad I didn't
have to text her and say.. oh sorry we are not going to be coming to
help you today. I realized that the Holy Spirit had worked through me
and guided me to know what would be best to do.
I learned I might not be the perfect missionary. I might have missed
a lot of opportunities.. etc. But the Lord can still use imperfect
tools to help build his perfect kingdom.
Heavenly Father is the best planner in the world. I don't know how he
can answer everyone's prayers at just the right moment. I talked to
Ellie about how she had answered my prayer on Sunday. She said... "I
was just lying in bed and I felt like I needed to text you right then
and there. So I did."
WELLL! You will be getting one more letter from me! I'll be home
sooner than you know it. Don't expect anyone special to come back...
I'm still littl' ol' imperfect me :)